Moments with the Ing
by silversliced-rain
Summary: No one really knows what the Ing's lives were really like. So follow the insane Hunter Ing Ratch Whisker and his two sane friends Zamar another Hunter Ing and Saiha a Warrior Ing. Follow them as they try to stop Ratch Whisker's stupid plans, and mostly fail at it to stop those plans. I don't own rights to the Ing or the Luminoth or Metrod for that matter, Nintendo does.
1. Dark soup

Location: Dark Aether, Ing Hive, Unseen Way

* * *

><p>There were three Ing standing on an invisible floating platform. The group was made up of one Warrior and two Hunters. The Warrior and one of the Hunters were watching the other Hunter Ing very nervously. Why, because he was trying to make Dark chili. The two of them <em>still,<em> didn't know where he got the idea.

This continued for quite some time, the spectators still confused. They were also slightly scared, his ideas often ended horribly, sometimes with massive explosions. Of course confusion turned to concern as he pulled out a spoon. From where they had no idea, but it was normal so it wasn't to worrying.

"Hey, Shaiha, will you please try this." He said cheerfully as he scooped some out.

"I don't know Ratch Whisker, your cooking creations tend to have Phazon in them." Saiha replied having taken a step back.

Ratch Whisker sent the Warrior his best pleading look," Please."

"Does it have Phazon in it?" She growled glaring at the pleading Hunter.

"I promise it doesn't."

Saiha sighed, when Ratch Whisker promised something, him being idiot or not he could be trusted. Oh well, she'd get revenge later, by stealing his shock gun, and using it on him.

"Fine, but only spoonful." She stated blankly, still glaring at him.

The Hunter nodded quickly, before she could change her mind. He then realized that he had dropped the spoon in the pot. After grabbing and filling another spoon he gave it to her. She was impressed and thus nodded in response.

"That is very good. For once it is not a total failure." Saiha remarked.

"Zamar, do you want to try some?" Ratch Whisker asked turning to the other Hunter.

"Later, I have a report to file, about how you tried something new, and for once it didn't explode." Zamar stated in a business like tone.

He was the most responsible of the group. Though the best fighter was definitely Saiha her being the Warrior and all. Ratch Whisker was the most insane Ing in the horde for certain. Though why he was crazy was a mystery to everyone. But none the less he was actually a good fighter, always using his craziness to his advantage.

* * *

><p>Zamar was on his heading back to the Unseen Way. His report was written up and filed away under possible weapons. After all, half of Ratch Whisker's experiments, if they could be called that, were good weapons and ambush tools. Yes, the horde would destroy those pesky Luminoth and Light Aether.<p>

Unseen Way

Ratch Whisker was busy finishing this particular bottle of what he liked to call, The essence of Dark Aether. After finishing the seal he set it on the table, Zamar could use it if he want to, now finished he waited for the his friend.

Lamar arrived about five minutes later, instantly noticing the bottle, he snapped it up. As he inspected it, Ratch Whisker silently floated over. Zamar was suspicious of this bottle, this right here, was what normally cause accidents.

"Essence of Dark Aether... well let's find out what's in it. Phazon and Dark Water." Zamar mused to himself.

"Yup, are you going to try it?" Ratch Whisker suddenly asked.

"No I am not going to try it. I want to know this though. How many others did you make?"

"One..."

"Thank the Emperor."

"...Thousand seven hundred, and ninety-three."

Zamar stared at him in horror before yelling very loudly, "WHAT!"

Light Aether, Agon sector

Three Luminoth warriors perked up as they heard a very loud screech. After looking around, for a darkling, they did not see anything, and thus continued their patrol.

* * *

><p><strong>AN I have no rights to Metroid they belong to Nintendo. By the way if your wondering this takes place about 10 years into the war.**


	2. Dark Grenchlers and light energy cannons

_Location: Dark Aether - Dark Torvus Bog - Crypt_

If Ratch Whisker had a mouth, he would be grinning. After countless days of watching the _evil_ vampire grenchlers, (**in other words dark grenchlers**) he had figured out the path they walked repeatedly. He had also memorized the path for later use. But, now he needed a machine to kill them, after all they were trying to destroy the horde. They needed to suffer and die for they did not deserve to live.

His tentacles twitched upwards in a smiling gesture. Today, would be the most awesome day in the past month.

"To the lab." He quietly whispered to himself.

Most Ing wondered where he made the things he made. A secret lab never even crossed their minds. Even Saiha, and Zamar actually thought about a secret lab. And they knew he had tendency hide fake panels in the wall that led to tunnels. But, it was very hard to play mad scientist with ta secret lab. Though right now, stealth was of the essence, things would go south very quickly if someone caught him. Because they would alert Zamar and Saiha and bad things would happen if they found out about his lab.

Reaching a secret path and fazing through the rock that blocked the entrance. After he had traveled a ways down the path, his tentacles twitched again. Those vampires were going to unceremoniously die.

_Location: Unknown_

Ratch Whisker arrived at his lab a short while later. After looking around he floated over to his workbench. A few minutes later he had a plan drawn up and he already had a couple of part built. That was a major plus, but now he needed a few other parts good things there was a large pile of scrap jus sitting in a corner. Gathering the prebuilt parts and scrap parts he quickly and skillfully put a cannon together. Now he needed the ammo, which was pure light energy.

"Please give identification code for access." A cool monotone voice stated.

"Mona imp baron." Ratch Whisker supplied.

"Processing, hello Ratch Whisker. Hatch opening in five minutes." The monotone voice said.

"Alright, I need to gather some of my dark garlic anyway." Watch Whisker spoke aloud, mostly to himself though.

With that Ratch Whisker floated over to his garden and found the row of garlic. Harvesting a bunch and hanging them on a rope took about five minutes.

"The hatch is open access to light energy containers granted." The voice spoke up.

"Good, I was starting to get impatient." Ratch Whisker said.

He quickly grabbed two containers and stuck them in the base of the cannon. He then selected the destination of his teleportation device and sent the cannon through 'then grabbing several more containers of light energy and sent them to Torvus.

While Ratch Whisker had been doing all of this, Zamar and Saiha were busy in Dark Torvus building defenses for whenever the dreaded Luminoth would attack. It was then that Saiha noticed that Ratch Whisker was no where near by, that was not good at all. She set out to find Zamar, his help would be needed in tracking the Hunter Ing down.

"Zamar, Have you seen Ratch Whisker anywhere today?" She asked walking up beside the Hunter Ing.

"No, I have not, why do you ask." Zamar replied looking away from what he was doing.

"Because, I haven't seen him since yesterday. So we need to track him down before something goes very very wrong."

"Yes, that would probably be a wise course of action. I'll get a search force together."

"Alright, I'll be waiting."

* * *

><p>The group had combed the dark bog twice. In both of their sweeps he was no where to be found. This was not going well for them.<p>

"Is there anywhere we haven't checked?" A very irked Zamar asked.

"Could he be below the temple?" One of the Hunter Ing asked.

"That makes the most sense of anything that has been asked today." Saiha stated.

"Yes, that does make sense. To the under temple." Zamar declared.

A short while later the entire group was about to enter the only room they had not checked yet, the Crypt. One of the Warrior Ing opened the door and shot inside ready to fight only to find the two dark grenchlers patrolling the room. Zamar and Saiha took lead and went towards one of the two darklings.

"Have either of you seen Ratch Whisker, today?" Zamar asked.

"No, why did he go, OW! Why did I just get hit by light energy?" The grenchler exclaimed getting pegged by light energy.

"Well, that was definitely Ratch Whisker." Saiha commented.

"Wait, why would he attack his allies?" One of the Warrior Ing asked.

"He believes that darkling are going to destroy the horde and thus they need to be destroyed. He also believes that the Luminoth are his allies and that is why we lock him up in a cage when they attack." Zamar explained dodging light shots.

"What?!" The same Warrior Ing exclaimed.

"Yes, he is completely crazy. But I found the path to his little hiding spot." Saiha stated.

After she removed a fake wall panel, she went into her puddle form. Looking at the tunnel the group headed up it. The tunnel was easily wide enough for the Hunters to travel up without fazing through dimensions. Upon arriving the top they found a whole lot of containers full of light energy. Ratch Whisker was in the middle of them cackling evilly.

"RUN!" Saiha screamed jumping down the hole.

Zamar fazed through the wall hot on Saiha's heels. The grenchlers followed them as the cannon's aim went askew. The Warrior Ing followed them in fleeing because well Ratch Whisker was now in a full evil laugh.

However, the portal in the room flared to admit three Luminoth. They dashed over to the nearest light zone. The Hunter Ing charged past them as if they weren't even there. The Luminoth blinked in confusion, something was not right.

That was when they noticed the Hunter Ing in the middle of the room actually laughing evilly. Then they noticed the light shots bouncing around the room. One hit the portal and activating it.

"Yeah, no let's get out of here." One of them stated charging to the portal and hopping through. The other two after staring in horror for a couple of seconds followed the first.

It wasn't until hours later that someone was brave enough to come back and check on Ratch Whisker. When they go there he was sacked out on the floor and the cannon was out of ammo.

"This is why we keep an eye on him at all times." Saiha stated staring at the ruins of the room.


	3. Icy changes

_Location: Unknown_

Ratch Whisker was hiding in his secret lab, busy experimenting on dark water. The reason behind this was the fact that he needed to get his light energy containers back as they had been confiscated by the war chief over the Dark Bog. Now, normally he would steal them back, but they were under heavy guard and even he with all his stealth skills couldn't get past them. So he planned to do something about it, the original plan was get all the dark water to a rolling boil, but apparently anymore than two gallons of the stuff and it would not boil. So now he was going to try and freeze it.

This plan left him inside a blast shield, just incase something went horribly wrong. Said blast shield was insulated and quite warm inside as the lab would be very cold in a few minutes. he twitched his tentacles and set a start time for the freezing process. This gap would allow him to grab blankets and such to keep warm if the insulated shield and its air conditioning fail. It also allow him to leave the shield and test if the dark water was solely frozen or not.

"Cooling process will start in thirty seconds." The cool monotone voice of his lab's AI alerted him.

"Good, how long should it take to freeze anyway?" Ratch Whisker asked.

"About an hour." The voice responded.

"Alright, that will let me plan other schemes." Ratch Whisker said.

* * *

><p>A hour later the computer beeped interrupting Ratch Whisker. He turned to the console in front of him and read the readings. He allowed himself to chuckle, it seemed to work perfectly. Now to check the dark water if this did not work, he was going to fill all the rooms with light zones and invite the Luminoth for a fun little battle. Granted he would get in trouble but it would work.<p>

After wrapping himself up in blankets and coats he dashed out of his nice warm area. He floated over to the container holing the dark water. The container had a small console on it for taking x-rays. He checked the x-ray and it indeed showed that the dark water was frozen solid. Dark Torvus was bound to get a storm of very chilly air very soon.

* * *

><p><em>Location: Dark Torvus bog, Dark Forgotten Bridge<em>

While Ratch Whisker had been experimenting, he never bothered to check on his decoy in the bog. However, this didn't mean that his decoy wasn't watched around the clock. They made sure to not give him time to escape. No one could look away for even two seconds, because he would be gone instantly. This particular watch was made of a Warrior Ing and two Hunter Ing. One of those Hunter Ing was very suspicious.

"This isn't right, he should be up bouncing around like an idiot and making our jobs way harder." She spoke up flatly.

"Meh, we can relax a little bit. After all if he is asleep we don't have to worry about him breaking something or doing something he i snot supposed to." The Warrior remarked staring at the sleeping Ing.

"Yes, but something is wrong, I can feel it in the air. Poke him in thickest." The Hunter stated.

"Fine." The Warrior grumbled.

The Warrior got up from were he was sitting and ambled over before raising a knife like claw and poking ht eHunter Ing's chest. The decoy promptly went pop startling all three.

"Well, he's dead we can go back to our other duties now.' The Warrior spoke starting to stride away.

The second Hunter Ing stopped him as it looked on in terror. That was when realization dawned on the Warrior, it whirled around terror in its eye. The other Hunter was starting to go into a panic by this point. But they had one thing in common, they had turned white.

"Everyone calm down. Now, that we know Ratch Whisker is hiding elsewhere we can report our findings to Zamar and Saiha. Then they can organize a search team. Let's go." The second Hunter Ing ordered floating away.

'Wait, shouldn't one of us stay here incase he shows back up." The first Hunter Ing spoke.

"Yes. So, which one of you is staying?" The second Hunter asked.

"I will." the Warrior said.

"Alright, let's go." The second Hunter said gesturing to his fellow Hunter.

Once the two where gone the Warrior started patrolling the room. It wasn't a couple of minutes after his team mates left that the search force burst into the room. Zamar and Saiha were already giving out orders. The Warrior Ing jumped up to where the portal was and watched the entire room in silence. Lamar noted him but didn't give him any orders as what he was doing would help. Saiha was busy looking for secret tunnel entrances on the walls and floor, there was nothing to be found.

"Alright, no tunnel entrances and no visible way for him to escape." Saiha reported to Zamar.

"Here's what I don't understand. He was watched at all times, so there was no way for him to escape. Even with his ability to disappear at speeds that would let him run around the planet in a matter of hours." Zamar spoked up.

"So while he was bouncing around at some point he put a noise making device on a wall." Saiha stated before dashing towards the portal.

Inspecting the walls around the portal, the Warrior that was up there helped her. The Warrior eventually found a tiny black box and accidentally pushed it there was a noise that was like the portal just opened. All the Ing in the room whirled around to face the portal ready for a fight.

"So that was his distraction." Saiha said looking at the small device.

"Well, that makes sense. Now if we could just get him to use some of these things on the Luminoth." Zamar sighed.

"Now, I seriously doubt we will find him, so let's call it a day it's very late after all." The Ing murmured in agreement.

"Fine, we'll look for him tomorrow." Zamar relented.

* * *

><p>Ratch Whisker was attaching some more wires to the last one of his cooling devices. If he had a mouth he would be smiling evilly, the wires were rolled down tunnel leading to his base. He looked around and then headed for the console in the room, according to it the only thing his devices needed was coolant, and lots of it. But, first he would need to attach pipes to the devices to pump the coolant through. After that was done he attached metal plates on the holes leading to the devices to help keep the cold out, his next destination was in the hive, another secret tunnel was his mode of transportation.<p>

* * *

><p>When he reached the hive he heard the sounds of a battle to his left. Fortunately his destination was to his right. He preceded down the halls avoiding groups rushing to join the fighting, if they discovered him bad things would happen . After traveling a fair distance he turned to the left and slipped through a fake wall. A ton a coolant was in the room, all of the containers also had miniaturized teleportation devices on them. He floated up to the largest two and set the destination before activating it and getting caught in the teleportation wave.<p>

The two containers and Ratch Whisker materialized within his Torvus base. The coolant was quickly hooked up to the cooling devices and Torvus Bog was soon very cold.

"Heh heh, my revenge is in progress." Ratch Whisker chortled.

* * *

><p>When the Ing got up the next morning and stepped into the rooms they were supposed to guard their brains switched off. The bog was freezing cold and all of the dark water was dark ice. Hunter and Warrior Ing alike were stuck in the dark ice trying to get free. Other Ing rushed to help them, only to find out that the ice was way to solid to smash through.<p>

Zamar saw it and roared out. "RATCH WHISKER!"

After roaring out he noticed an item propped up against the wall near him. He grabbed it and then activated it. His anger issues were only enflamed when he read the message.

Meanwhile Ratch Whisker was trying to figure out how to ice skate with absolutely no progress. But, unbeknownst to him his revenge scheme had ripple affects in Light Aether.

Three Luminoth warriors stared at the icy pool of water in front of them. Their expressions ranged from blank to utterly confused. They wee now thinking that they had gone crazy.

"What? Are you seeing this to?" One of them asked.

The other two did not respond as their brains were trying to reboot with no success. One of them finally collapsed in a faint his brain unable to make sense of its self.

* * *

><p><strong>This is the last time I am saying this it will not happen again unless something changes. I do not own Metroid or the Luminoth of the Ing. Nintendo does.<strong>


	4. Sandstorms and Emperor Ing

_Location: Dark Agon Wastes: Feeding Pit_

Ratch Whisker was having issues. After his ice extravaganza, he was captured and put in a cage in dark water with heavy guard. He was also bored as could be the guards ignored him for the most part. Now, it was time to pester them until they either lost sanity, or gave him something to do. He started making noise, they didn't flinch. His noise makers came out as did his full horns.

"What do you want?!" One of the guards cried out.

"My farm." Was Ratch Whisker's reply.

"What?" Another Ing said trying to process those two words.

"I'll go get the dirt, and he has water. Now, where are we getting seeds?" The Ing asked.

"I have seeds! You guys and girls won't need to go find any." Ratch Whisker announced pulling seed packets out of midair.

"Okay, one fourth of this guard force will go get what he needs. The rest will stay here, he can't escape if we are here." The commanding officer said.

"But, what if I already escaped and since my plan failed last time, I changed it, so I wouldn't get caught. And right now I was just visiting." Ratch Whisker Said with a subtle twitch of his tentacles.

"Check the cage for any signs of departure on his part. I want cameras watching the cage at all times. Hey, Ingworms." The officer said.

"What?" One of the three worms growled.

"Until the cameras get here, I need you to act like cameras."

"Fine."

The Ing were almost finished checking the cage for any secret tunnels. There were three of them tickling Ratch Whisker to keep him in the cage. He was totally immobile and distracted. The Ing left the cage when they were done searching.

"Hey, can I also have a sheet of metal?" Ratch Whisker asked.

"Why?" The officer asked back.

"I want to add a dome." He responded.

"No, that would allow you to escape."

"Fine"

* * *

><p><em>Location: Unknown<em>

Zamar and Saiha were taking some time off. Keeping up with Ratch Whisker was extremely tiring after all. The two were trying to sunbathe which was hard because there was no sun to speak of anywhere on Dark Aether's surface.

"Hey, Zamar, how do you think the other Ing are handling Ratch Whisker?" Saiha asked glancing at the Hunter Ing.

"Not very well if I had to guess. If we come back and he hasn't done something idiotic I will be very surprised." Zamar responded with a sigh.

"How much longer can we stay here anyway?"

"One more week."

"Well, let's just ignore Ratch Whisker and not think about him then."

"Agreed, my friend agreed."

* * *

><p><em>Location: Dark Agon Wastes: Feeding Pit<em>

The Ing guarding Ratch Whisker were staring at him in confusion. They had gotten him pots and dirt to plant his... well whatever he was planting. What they had not expected was he would pull out and insta-grow formula and mature the plants. Then he pulled a stove and a few pans out of thin air to cook the the plants.

"Let's see where did I put the butter. Dark green beans must be cooked with butter and salt." He complained loudly.

"Was this a good idea?" One of the Ing asked looking at its compatriots with concern.

"It keeps him busy. That is all that matters, if he is distracted he can't escape." The leader spoke up.

"I don't have my herbs. On that note I don't even have the seeds. This doesn't bode well at all." The crazy Hunter Ing said aloud.

"Oh no, he is going to leave." One of the Ing stated ready to smash it's face into the wall.

"Yup, I will be back in about five minutes." Hatch Whisker stated before fazing through the wall and out of the room.

"Crap." The leader said slamming his leg into the ground.

"He did say he would be back in five minutes. Everyone knows when he says something that he live up to his word." One of the Hunter Ing stated flatly.

"True." The leader said.

"If he hasn't reappeared in six minutes we panic got it." The same Hunter Ing said with a sigh.

The Ing nodded before waiting for the crazy Hunter to come back. Four minutes later he floated into the room pots grasped in his tentacles. He then floated back into his cage before setting the pots down and stripping some of the leaves off. Quickly chopping the leaves with a knife he dropped the leaves in one of the pans before stirring the contents of the pan. The Ing stared on as he hummed to himself. Shortly there after he broke into song, the Ing dived into hiding spots.

"It's time to make soup. Grabbed and chop the onions and a bit of garlic let's not forget the carrots. Next comes the water and the beans. After that add the tomatoes and the potatoes. Finally add the rice." The Ing sang as he flew around the cage grabbing his ingredients.

The Ing just watched him debating wether or not they should screw it and run or take his stove and leave him without it. Half the Ing ran out of the room, deciding that it wasn't worth watching him. The rest just continued staring on in horror as he sang. Though they all hoped he would shut up soon.

An hour later he finally stopped singing as his soup was done. The Ing that panicked and left came back into the room, as it turned out they had decided to stop outside the door. He was now sitting on the floor eating the soup with gusto. When he noticed the Ing staring at him he spoke up.

"I'm hungry." He announced before returning to his meal.

The leader of the group groaned and did the Ing equivalent of a face palm.

* * *

><p><em>Location: Sky Temple: Inner Sanctum<em>

Emperor Ing was lost in thought. The Luminoth were endlessly assaulting the Agon sector. They had learned the terrain to well and they had to many light zones. He needed to disorganize them, but how could he do that. He cackled, he needed help from Ratch Whisker. Now all he had to do was get the message to the Hunter Ing.

"This will be perfect." He boomed.

After gathering a couple of Ing to him he gave them their mission. Go get Ratch Whisker and bring him to the Inner Sanctum. The two Ing nodded before dashing out of the room towards the Agon sector.

The Emperor chuckled again, this plan was jus perfect.

* * *

><p>The Ing guarding Ratch Whisker heard the sound of running Ing coming their way. They straightened up ready for whatever was going on. One of the doors opened to admit two Warrior Ing they walked over to the commanding officer.<p>

"We have orders from the Emperor. He wants to see Ratch Whisker." The one on the right stated flatly.

"Alright, one moment." The officer stated.

He walked over to the cage and unlocked the door. Ratch Whisker floated out and over to the Warrior Ing. One of the two gestured for him to follow them. The three ran out of the room and towards the Sky Temple.

* * *

><p>The three arrived at the Inner Sanctum in record time. Ratch Whisker floated into the room, where the Emperor was waiting.<p>

"Hello Ratch Whisker. I need you to cause chaos in the Agon sector to disorganize the Luminoth. Can you do that?" The Emperor asked.

"Yes sir." Ratch Whisker responded before disappearing in a cloud of black smoke.

The Emperor stared for a moment before shrugging and going back to gorging himself on Phazon.

* * *

><p>Ratch Whisker had a plan ready when he reappeared in the Agon sector. Now to go get some giant fans and start a sandstorm. That would mess the Luminoth up a whole lot.<p>

* * *

><p>When Zamar and Saiha returned they just stared at the giant fans with a very confused look until Ratch Whisker popped up.<p>

"Hey guys, I missed you!" He said bouncing up and down in front of the two Ing.

"What did you do?" Saiha asked.

"Oh, the Emperor asked me to do something that would mess up the Luminoth when they visited and I decided to put giant fans up to create sandstorms." He explained.

"Okay. I won't stop you then." Zamar said floating to the other side of the room.

* * *

><p>Three Luminoth warriors walk into the room that had the giant fans in it. They heard an Ing screech and turned to the right. Then they noticed the giant fans powering up.<p>

"Nope, let's get back to Aether." One commented running out of the room.

The other two followed without hesitation. Those fans could easily smack them into the wall and get sand in their weapons. That would be bad, being in Dark Aether with useless cannons was a bad idea.


	5. What an Emperor does

_Location: Inner Sanctum_

Emperor Ing growled as he woke up. The alarm clock rung with a very annoying cheerful tune. One of his tentacles lashed out and smacked the clock, it fell to the floor broken.

_'That's the third one this week.'_ He thought with a sigh.

Another sigh escaped as he glanced up at the digital clock. It was way to early to get up by his standards at least. Most of the horde liked the morning, he hated it. This hate was equal if not greater than his hate for the Luminoth.

He turned to another section of the wall and hit some panels in a very specific sequence. Another set of panels separated to reveal a computer. He had to keep his schedule straight some how after all. He quickly his a specific button to show he schedule for the day.

His attention turned to eating some Phazon as the computer pulled up the schedule. After his quick meal his attention turned to the computer. A cross of a growl, roar, and moan escaped him. His first job was basically paperwork, the hate of paperwork was on par with that of his hate of the morning and the Luminoth. It could be assumed that he would get Ing to do it for him, but they did not understand it and thus the horde was in a state of disaster for like two weeks.

He was also fairly certain the only other Ing that could understand it was Ratch Whisker. And as everyone knows he is a idiot by every meaning of the word. For crying out loud, he was scared of violence... well mostly. He had a few days were Ratch Whisker made exceptions.

Emperor Ing was interrupted from his thoughts by a couple of Inglings bringing in the work he had to do. They had a small bag with them, that was surprising. He did have questions right about now though.

"Is this the only work that was delivered?" Emperor Ing rumbled.

"Yes, sir." One of the Inglings responded.

"Is this a prank?" Emperor Ing growled because he was suspicious.

"No, sir." The other Ingling responded.

Emperor Ing waved them away as he pulled out the first document. The bag only had about ten documents in it, this was a nice surprise. A surprise that was probably staged by Ratch Whisker, but it was still a decent surprise as long as the horde didn't delve into chaos.

* * *

><p>Now we turn our attention to a certain crazy Hunter Ing. Ratch Whisker was very carefully laying out designs for the best slide ever, his entire reason was that Zamar needed to learn how to have fun. But this job was harder than normal, because he wanted to help the Emperor relax, so he didn't need to do anything to crazy in Dark Aether. But, with some very precise measurement and planning, he could make it an inter dimensional slide.<p>

This would be one of his biggest projects yet, and he was looking forward to it. Now, he had supplies to gather from all over the planet.

* * *

><p>Emperor Ing grabbed the last document in the bag. He flipped the folder open with practiced ease. The document inside was a permission slip, apparently several Ing wanted a mental institute.<p>

_'Most likely for Ratch Whisker. I've heard of several other Ing going crazy with no reason why, this is a good idea.'_ Emperor Ing mused in his head.

He stamped his approval on the folder and its contents. Then he placed it on a small elevator leading to the platform the door was on. Now more Phazon, his breakfast was tiny at least for him. As Emperor Ing consumed his Phazon his thoughts wandered to Ratch Whisker yet again. Despite his faults the Hunter Ing was a genius, most of the time. But what made him so interesting was the rumor that he could go into the Light dimension and survive without possessing anything. The rumors about him were also weird at times, like the one that he was actually a Luminoth that was somehow turned into an Ing.

* * *

><p>Ratch Whisker was indeed immune to Light Aether's air. He was busy checking the cannons angle for firing. The beam had to hit the portal and activate it with one shot. He lined up the cannon and then floated farther up the tunnel to activate it. He heard the sound of a portal activating and shot through the portal.<p>

HE appeared in Light Aether greatly surprising the Luminoth standing on the bridge that granted access to Sanctuary Fortress. He cheered and pulled out his supplies before setting to work. The poor Luminoth jus stared mostly because he was building a tube and he wasn't dead or even hurt. Something was seriously wrong here. This Ing was also the most crazy Ing they had ever seen.

* * *

><p>Emperor Ing turned back to his computer to check his schedule. His next to do item was a meeting about the horde's ranking system apparently. This would be interesting. Now, more Phazon he still had roughly half an hour to wait before to start of the meeting.<p>

About two hours later...

"And that, sire is why the ranking system should be changed and made more clear." The Warrior Ing making the presentation finished.

Emperor Ing was silent as he looked at the data and charts. They were indeed correct, the system needed to be changed. It was so confusing that he was totally silent. He actually couldn't talk at that moment his brain still needed to make sense of its self.

"Sire, are you alright?" The Warrior Ing asked nervously.

"Is there any one with in the horde that can understand the current system?" Emperor Ing asked finally coming out of his confusion for the most part.

"Not that we know of sir, but Ratch Whisker might know considering." The Warrior answered.

"I'll fix it as soon as I can make sense of it. On that note leave your charts and such here so I can study them in greater detail." Emperor Ing said glancing at one of said charts.

"Yes sir." The small group said before clearing out.

Emperor Ing rubbed his head as he felt a headache forming. He really needed a vacation, unfortunately his rank of emperor kept him from doing that. Sometimes his rank truly sucked for one very specific reason leave for even a day, and the entire horde would fall into disarray. His job/rank had serious drawbacks, though he could just leave Ratch Whisker in charge. Actually that was a horrible idea even if the idiot could handle paperwork.

* * *

><p>Roughly thirty minutes later...<p>

Emperor Ing had a meeting with his War Commanders today. They needed battle plans ready at all times, the Luminoth almost never rested or so it seemed. The War Commanders where only missing one of their group, and he was on his way apparently.

They got started as soon as he arrived in the sanctum.

"In what order are we going to discuss the sectors?" The War Commander of the Torvus sector asked.

"We will start with Agon, then move on to Torvus, after that the Hive will come into question. The final place to be discussed will be the Sky Temple grounds." Emperor Ing declared.

"Right, let's get started." The Hive's Commander said.

They turned their attention to the Agon sector's Commander. AS they did a holographic projector lit up and showed the Agon sector with an amber light.

"Which rooms have the Luminoth attacked the most?" Emperor Ing asked.

"The Trial Pit and Battlegrounds are being hit the hardest." The young Commander responded.

"Which room is being hit harder?" The Torvus Commander asked.

"The Battlegrounds by a landslide. The Luminoth have a harder time accessing the Trial Pit." Came the response.

"What is currently being done?" Emperor Ing asked gazing at the holographic map.

"The Trial Pit is defended by the Warriors within it. The Battleground is supported by at leasts two dozen Warriors and half a dozen Hunters. Though the Luminoth are still attacking almost every half hour of so." The Commander explained.

"Have you removed their safe zone crystals?" Emperor Ing asked.

"We have tried, but the Luminoth arrive before it is completely removed. And before you ask the giant fans are not working for whatever reason."

"Got it. But other than that the area is under control, correct?" Emperor Ing asked.

"Yes sir." Was the response.

"Alright, where are the Luminoth focusing Torvus?" Emperor Ing asked.

The holographic map shifted to the Torvus sector seamlessly, the map also turned emerald green.

"The Crypt is being attacked almost non-stop." The Commander said.

"What has been done so far?" This question was asked by the Sky Temple grounds Commander.

"The bridge going over the dark water was lowered into the dark water. We have also assigned roughly a dozen Dark Bloggs and a dozen Dark Grenchlers to the room." The Commander reported.

"So the entire situation is under control?" Emperor Ing cautiously asked.

"No, the Luminoth have a come up with tactics that keep them away from the dark water and Dark Grenchlers." Was the response.

"Add two dozen Dark Grenchlers and two dozen Hunter Ing to the defense force." Emperor Ing ordered.

The War Commander saluted and made a note in his notes.

"Now, how is the Hive holding?" Emperor Ing asked.

The map shifted to the Hive's sector and was now a cobalt blue.

"The Hive is thriving. Any and all Luminoth attacks have been stopped as soon as they step through the portal." Was the smug response.

"Excellent, any thing else?" Emperor Ing asked.

"Yes, they built drones to crush us. But we have discovered that they can be possessed. They are now very high priority targets." The Commander reported.

"Very good, now moving on to the Sky Temple's grounds." Emperor Ing said.

The map once again shifted and now its color was the same as the sky.

"The only notable thing that has happened here is the Luminoth trying and failing to set up a base." Came the report.

"Good any thing else for anyone?' Emperor Ing asked.

"No sir." Was the chorused response.

"Good, dismissed." Emperor Ing said.

The War Commanders saluted before they left. As soon as they were gone Emperor Ing was lost lost in thought. His thoughts drifted to the Luminoth.

"I wonder if their leader and I do the somethings at times." He mused.

* * *

><p><em>Location: Great Temple: Energy Controller<em>

U-mos stretched out with a yawn. He had spent spent the day watch the planetary energy levels for fluxes when portals were energized and used. He had also checked out Sanctuary Fortress entrance.

They had a Hunter Ing building something there after all. He then pulled out his data-pad and pulled up the video.

U-mos walked through the door to Sanctuary entrance. He then stopped and stared because there was a massive pipe going under, over, and around the bridge. One of his fingers twitched as his mind tried to make sense of a Hunter Ing not being hurt by Aether's air. His silent stare was interrupted when the Hunter Ing responsible popped up from thin air.

"Hi, how are you?" It said in a cheerful voice.

U-mos collapsed as his brain kicked off from disbelief and other issues.

"Hey, one of your friends just fainted." The Hunter Ing informed before returning to his work.

"Why is that Hunter Ing so familiar?" One of the warriors asked his companions.

"I have no clue." One of them responded with a shrug.

Out o thin air a picture appeared and the three warriors looked at it with interest. It was a very familiar scene they realized.

"Everything makes sense now." The third warrior said striding for the nearest door.

They quickly left before the Ing went just a little bit over the top.


	6. Talking bananas

_Location: Unknown_

Ratch Whisker loved to explore and discover the unknown. Actually his urge to explore had a nasty side effect of starting schemes. Normally, he would see a rock or some other random item laying around and that would cause a burst of inspiration. And all of those inspirations lead to a scheme which cause the rest of the horde quite a bit of trouble.

This time however things were different...

* * *

><p>Ratch Whisker floated over rock and his special map added the rock to his data base. He floated to the center of this 'room' and place down the map. He then floated out of range of the scanners and remotely activated it. The device soon beeped confirming it was done, and Ratch Whisker floated back over to it. He tapped a button on the side and the device displayed a map.<p>

Then he noticed something, according to the map there was an opening hidden behind some rocks on the area's left side. He quickly floated over to the opening and went through with an excited squeal of sorts. When he reached the other side fascination set in. Strange looking trees were all over the room, and all of the trees had odd looking yellow fruit hanging from their branches.

He floated over to the nearest tree and pluck one of the fruits off. The fruit was curved like a crescent moon. He held it with the stem and bottom pointing towards him, in the middle of the crescent shape was a face... Were plants supposed to have faces?

Ratch Whisker didn't think so for several reasons. But, the main reason was that according to his research fruits never had faces and couldn't talk. But, if this fruit had a face, then it could most likely talk. That would be awesome.

Then the improbable happened, the fruit took and deep breath and opened its mouth.

"Hi! I'm Charlie! What's your name?" The fruit spoke.

Ratch Whisker was known as the Ing that could not be surprised, caught off guard, or stunned. This fruit had manage to do all three at once. Ratch Whisker's upper left and lower left tentacles twitched.

"Are you alright? You're tentacles are twitching." The Charlie spoke up again.

"Sorry, you caught me off guard. Anyway, my name is Ratch Whisker. By the way, I'm perfectly fine again just surprised." The Hunter Ing said.

"Okay. So, do you have any questions for me?" The Charlie asked.

"Yes, quite a few actually. First, can all of you talk?" Ratch Whisker asked.

"Yes, me and all of my friends here can talk. Isn't that right guys?" Charlie responded.

"Yup!" All of the other fruit chorused together.

"Okay, what kind of fruit are you?" Ratch Whisker asked.

"We're bananas." Charlie responded.

"Okay. Charlie, I'm going to map this room on a separate mapping device and then I want to pick few of your friends to bring back with me. Are you okay with that?" Ratch Whisker asked.

"That sounds awesome. Just put me back on top of my friends and while you're mapping the room we'll discuss who's going." Charlie said with a smile.

"Sounds like a plan." Ratch Whisker said placing Charlie with his friends and getting ready to map the place.

* * *

><p>A couple of hours later...<p>

_Location: Just outside the Ing Hive_

"Alright, guys were just outside the Hive. Now if I float into the Hive with bananas Ing are going to be suspicious enough, so I need you to be silent. Can you do that?" Ratch Whisker asked.

"Yes, but you were telling us on the way here that you were going to use us to prank the other Ing. If we don't talk, how do we know we can talk?" Charlie asked.

"I'll most likely throw you, if you're okay with that. And when the Ing I threw you at picks you up you can talk." Ratch Whisker answered cheekily.

"Okay, you guys got that?" Charlie asked his fellow bananas.

"Yup!" Was the chorused reply.

"Okay, I suddenly have a feeling at least three of you are going to get confiscated for the reason of being suspicious. So, I think I'll put you in Hammer Space. Are you okay with that?" Ratch Whisker responded.

"What's Hammer Space?" Charlie asked.

"You saw me pull random objects out of midair, right?"

"Yeah, but what does that have to do with anything?"

"Well, all those items were in Hammer Space."

"Is Hammer Space dangerous?" One of the other bananas, Lawrence asked.

"Not at all. I actually got my self stuck in Hammer Space one time on accident. Luckily, when a Luminoth patrol opened a portal, so they could visit Dark Aether I was able to get out." Ratch Whisker responded.

"I do and don't want to know that back story. But, yeah that works." Charlie said after a moment of contemplation.

"Alright, in ya go." Ratch Whisker said before floating forward.

When he opened the door to Ing Hive proper Ratch Whisker was met by a couple of familiar Ing. And from the looks of it they were not happy. He floated out of whacking range as Saiha and Zamar came through the door.

"Where were you?! You had several appointments scheduled to check for insanity levels. As is now protocol, and you weren't just late for the appointments, you didn't show up at all! So, where were you?" Saiha half hissed half roared at him.

"I was exploring and mapping previously unmapped and unexplored sections of Dark Aether. My sanity doesn't need to be checked by the way, everyone knows I'm the craziest Ing in the horde." Ratch Whisker responded smugly.

Just as Saiha was about to retort, Zamar cut into the argument, "Saiha, he does have a point. He is undisputedly the craziest Ing in the horde. But, nevertheless as it is protocol and you do need to be check, Ratch Whisker. So, let's go get you checked."

"Fine." Ratch Whisker grumbled following the other Hunter Ing with Saiha right behind them.

* * *

><p>Roughly three hour later...<p>

All the tests they made him take confirmed he was indeed crazy. Thus he was promptly relocated to the first Mental Health Institute on Dark Aether. And he was not happy about this relocation, at all.

All of the Ing there were under watch at all times. As he had discovered when he tried to make a break for it upon his arrival. On top of that he was stuck listening to the same Warrior Ing drone on about the same thing for the second time in the last hour.

Ratch Whisker couldn't believe this, they were expected to sit and pay attention for who knows how long and that would cure their problems. He knew otherwise, this would only cause the Ing to become crazier and crazier to the point of no return. And at that point they would act sane enough to get out, and then they would go on a killing spree of Ing and Luminoth alike with no stopping them unless they were killed.

But, that was beside the point, Ratch Whisker was almost at his breaking point. Whenever he reached his braking point, Charlie would come out and have some fun. Though a camera was required to capture to moment, after all he needed something to laugh at every now and then.

The Warrior finished the lecture for the second time and started it for the third time. Ratch Whisker sighed quietly before reaching into Hammer Space, grabbing Charlie and a camera. A new idea popped into his head and he was cackling silently. Now, when the Ing turned its back he would throw Charlie at him.

A couple of minutes later the Ing turned his back. As soon as his back was turned, Charlie went flying. Charlie hit the Warrior Ing's back and then fell to the floor.

The Warrior Ing whirled around with a growl. His glare gazed over the room, before his glare landed on Ratch Whisker. Then the Warrior Ing picked Charlie up and didn't even notice the face.

"Ratch Whisker, what is this?" The Ing asked.

"It's a banana." Ratch Whisker responded cheerfully.

"Do not throw anything at me ever again. Understand?" The Ing growled.

"Fine, it's impossible to do anything fun here without getting in trouble."

As the Warrior Ing turned to drop Charlie in the trash can, Charlie decided to speak up.

"Hi! I'm Charlie! Do you want to be friends?" Charlie asked.

As this thing had just spoken when it was not supposed to the Ing jumped. However, he was so surprised that he jump clear through the ceiling and onto the next floor. But, instead of stopping he kept going upwards. He didn't stop until he grabbed onto a low altitude cloud.

However, after about thirty seconds of holding onto the cloud gravity, physics and the cloud remembered something. The Ing should be falling, mostly because the cloud was made of water. His rather long dropped suddenly started, it took him a moment to realize that he was falling back to the ground.

He started screeching at the top of his lungs when he realized he was falling. He soon crashed into and through the Mental Health Institute's roof. He was soon imbedded into the ground. As he crashed into the ground he briefly lapsed into unconsciousness, but when he came to he had a splitting headache.

"That hurt." He groaned.

Ratch Whisker immediately noticed hime and floated over before he spoke, "Hey, leader guy! I've got to show you what I set up while you were gone!"

Ratch Whisker then grabbed the Warrior Ing and dragged him around showing off the festivities. The Warrior Ing then remembered why you did not let Ratch Whisker get bored for long periods of time.

* * *

><p>Later that day...<p>

While everyone else was busy enjoying the party Ratch Whisker had set up, he was able to sneak off. But, now he needed to prank Zamar and Saiha, and luckily he knew just what to do for a prank. He would also need to set up cameras to capture his friends reactions... this would be very funny.

* * *

><p>When Saiha got up the next morning, she unknowingly touched the banana Ratch Whisker had dropped off in the middle of the night. The banana grinned as it felt the Warrior Ing's leg briefly touch it.<p>

"Hi! I'm Caroline!" Caroline introduced boldly.

This caused Saiha to whirl around ready for a fight. That was when she saw this Caroline character. When her brain told her that this thing should not be talking, Saiha collapsed in a twitching heap.

"Um, are you okay?"

* * *

><p>Zamar floated off of his sleeping perch and stretched himself out. The tip of his upper right tentacle brushed against his banana buddy. His banana also grinned before speaking.<p>

"Hi! I'm Lawrence! What's your name?" Lawrence asked innocently.

The second Zamar saw the banana he roared out, "RATCH WHISKER!"

"Are there two Ing in the horde named Ratch Whisker?"

"No, my name is Zamar."

"Oh, okay."

* * *

><p>Emperor Ing yawned as he woke up. He immediately turned to access his computer and when he did, he saw an oddly shaped bright yellow object on the wall.<p>

"What?" He asked.

"Oh, good morning. I'm here to give you tips that will help you take over Light Aether." The banana started.

"Alright, just let me clear my schedule so we don't have interruptions."

"Okay."

* * *

><p>At a computer station two Ing watched Emperor Ing check his schedule and then completely clear it. They narrowed their singular eyes and headed towards the Inner Sanctum. Upon arrival they heard an unknown voice most likely talking to Emperor Ing.<p>

When they walked to the edge of the platform they looked down and saw Emperor Ing making notes as he listened to an odd looking yellow object. The subject of th conversation had something to do with Light Aether so that walked out. When they got back to their computer station one of them just had to ask the most obvious question.

"What was the Emperor talking to?" The one asked, he got a shrug in response.

* * *

><p>Three Luminoth warriors walked down a hallway that was part of their patrol route. They kept walking down to path, eventually one of them saw an add looking yellow item a little bit farther down the path.<p>

"What is that?" The warrior standing to the left of the groups leader asked.

"Don't know." The one on the right side responded.

"That was a rhetorical question." The left one responded.

The leader rolled his eyes as he stopped in front of the object. The other two Luminoth walked around and surrounded the item. The leader poked the item with his foot, and then it took a deep breath.

"Wait, what?" The group leader said.

"Hi!" The odd item exclaimed before rambling.

One of the warriors poked the other two and made a let's go gesture. The other two quickly nodded and followed that warrior without another word.

* * *

><p><strong>I would like to thank TheBarbarianKing for following, favoriting, and reviewing. I am currently in the process of sending you virtual cookies. Anyway, just don't ask were this chapter came from, just don't.<strong>


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